70 Best Sarcastic Quotes And Funny Sarcasm Sayings – Updated

Best Sarcastic Quotes And Funny Sarcasm Sayings — If you are looking for Sarcastic Quotes And Sarcastic Lines, you are at the right place.

I have compiled a list of top 90 Witty And Sarcastic Quotes. All these Sarcastic Quotes And Sarcasm Sayings will make you smile.

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Sarcasm Funny Sayings

Sarcastic Quotes And Sarcasm Funny Sayings

Everyone has the right to be stupid, but you are abusing the privilege.

Sarcasm Funny Sayings
Sarcasm Funny Sayings

I appreciate thieves who do their research, but at least you recognize worth when you see it. — M.L. LeGette

Please cancel my subscriptions from all your bullshit issues. 

If you wrote down every single thought you ever had, you would get an award for the shortest story ever.

I’ll try being nicer if you try being smarter.    

Are you always this retarded, or are you making a special effort today?

Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either. Just pretty much leave me the hell alone.

Thank you for leaving my side when I was alone. I realized I can do so much without you. 

I never forget a face, but in your case I’ll be glad to make an exception.

Sarcastic Quotes And Funny Sarcasm Sayings
Sarcastic Quotes And Funny Sarcasm Sayings

If I promise to miss you, will you go away?

I clapped because it’s finished, not because I like it.   

A bicycle can’t stand on its own because it is two-tired.

Sarcasm is the secret language that everyone uses when they want to say something mean to your face.   

I’m smiling… that alone should scare you.  

Stupidity is not a crime, so you’re free to go.

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Funny sayings about sarcasm

You look good when your eyes are closed, but you look the best when my eyes closed.

I am busy right now, can I ignore you some other time?

Well my imaginary friend thinks you have serious mental problems

I feel so miserable without you, it’s almost like having you here.  

You have no one to blame but yourself… Unless some other guy is standing next to you, then you can blame him. 

Sarcasm Funny Sayings

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Hilarious sarcasm sayings

No, you don’t have to repeat yourself. I was ignoring you the first time.   

See this hand? It’s going to descend in an arc that will, in the process, have contact with your face. Just warning you. 

Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft, and I’ll show you A flat minor.

That is the ugliest top I’ve ever seen, yet it compliments your face perfectly.    

Dear Karma, I really hate you right now, you made your point. — Ottilie Weber

Hilarious Sarcasm Sayings

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I became so religious so that I could pray for you to burn in hell.   

I’m not sarcastic. I’m just intelligent beyond your understanding.    

This is what happened in love. One of you cried a lot, and then both of you grew sarcastic. — Lorrie Moore

Are you always so stupid, or is today a special occasion?  

Depressing Quotes About Love

I’m sorry, while you were talking I was trying to figure where the hell you got the idea I cared.    

Are you always this retarded, or are you making a special effort today?    

When your children are teenagers, it’s important to have a dog so that someone in the house is happy to see you.  —Nora Efron. 

People say that laughter is the best medicine… your face must be curing the world!

I recently asked a student where his homework was. He replied, ‘It’s still in my pencil.’  —Larry Timmons. 

You’d be in good shape… if you run as much as your mouth.    

If you’ve never met the devil in the road of life, It’s because you’re both heading in the same direction.    

Witty And Sarcastic Quotes

Sarcastic Quotes And Funny Sarcasm Sayings
Sarcastic Quotes And Funny Sarcasm Sayings

Just keep talking; I’ll yawn when I’m interested.  

You sound better with your mouth closed.   

If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person on this planet.    

Ask me no questions, and I’ll tell you no fibs. — Oliver Goldsmith

My friends are so much cooler than yours. They’re invisible.   

If it looks like I give a damn, please tell me. I don’t want to give off the wrong impression.    

Mirrors can’t talk, lucky for you, they can’t laugh either.

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until they speak. – Steven Wright

Best Sarcastic Quotes And Funny Sarcasm Sayings  

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hilarious sayings

Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, first make sure that you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes.

Sarcasm is the body’s natural defense against stupidity.

Clever is when one is crafty enough to mistake your imagination for intelligence. Smart is when one assumes they are too educated to notice the difference. — Kerry E. Wagner. 

I’d agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong.   

If you find me offensive. Then I suggest you quit finding me.

Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

Think I am sarcastic? Watch me pretend to care!  

Funny Sarcasm Sayings Sarcastic Quotes

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Funny quotes with sarcasm

The more this guy talked, the more he sounded like a fortune cookie. — Kelly Creagh

I’d tell you to go to hell, but I work there and don’t want to see your ugly mug every day.    

I cannot speak well enough to be unintelligible. — Jane Austen

Filling out a credit card application, my friend came upon this question: ‘What is your source of income?’ She wrote:  —Michael McRae.

Strong people don’t put others down. They lift them up and slam them on the ground for maximum damage.

People used to laugh at me when I would say “I want to be a comedian”, well nobody’s laughing now.

Also, Read These Funny Quotes

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Funny words and sayings

If you are not yelling at your kids, you are not spending enough time with them.  —Reese Witherspoon

Ugliness can be fixed, stupidity is forever.   

Give a man a fish, and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

Zombies eat brains. You’re safe.  

Let me ask you a question. What do you think is the greatest evil on this planet today? Is that including, or not including, you? — Anthony Horowitz. 

If you’ve never met the devil in the road of life, it’s because you’re both heading in the same direction.

Me pretending to listen should be enough for you.    

You look good when your eyes are closed, but you look the best when my eyes closed.    

Sarcastic Quotes Images

Sarcastic Quotes And Funny Sarcasm Sayings
Sarcastic Quotes And Funny Sarcasm Sayings

I don’t believe in plastic surgery. But in your case, go ahead.    

Short Witty Quotes

Tell me how I have upset you because I want to know how to do it again.    

I’m not crazy! The voices tell me I am entirely sane.

Mirrors can’t talk, lucky for you, they can’t laugh either.

I don’t believe in plastic surgery. But in your case, go ahead.  

If you say, ‘we’re in this together,’ I’m going to hurl. — Kelley Armstrong

People say that laughter is the best medicine… your face must be curing the world!    

You always do me a favor, when you shut up!    

The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and leaky tire.

Egotist, n. A person of low taste, more interested in himself than in me. — Ambrose Bierce

If karma doesn’t hit you, I gladly will.   

Keep rolling your eyes. Maybe you’ll find a brain back there.

Funny Sayings About Sarcasm

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Supernatural sarcasm sayings

If had a dollar for every smart thing you say. I’ll be poor.

I thought I had seen the pinnacle of stupid… Then I met you.   

You did not just say that. I have a feeling we’re on the verge of hugging and coming up with cute nicknames for each other. — Richelle Mead. 

Well, my imaginary friend thinks you have serious mental problems.    

I don’t know about your true form, but the weight of your ego sure is pushing the crust of the earth toward the breaking point. — Jim Butcher. 

When people ask me stupid questions, it is my legal obligation to give a sarcastic remark.    

Thinking I’m a moron gives people something to feel smug about, Why should I disillusion them? — Madeleine L’Engle. 

Sarcastic Quotes And Funny Sarcasm

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Funny sayings

One day I’ll work out what it is you are saying, my lad, and then you’ll be in trouble. — Terry Pratchet

If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.  

I asked my wife what she wanted for Christmas. She told me “Nothing would make her happier than a diamond necklace” So I bought her nothing.

Sometimes you lie in bed at night, and you don’t have a single thing to worry about. That always worries me!  —Charlie Brown

I think my neighbor is stalking me, as she’s been googling my name on her computer. I saw it through my telescope last night.

The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.

I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather… Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

I hope when I inevitably choke to death on gummy bears, people just say I was killed by bears and leave it at that.

I hope you must have liked these Sarcasm Funny Sayings And Quotes. Please do share them with your friends and all so that they can also laugh and feel good.

Gulzar shayari

 

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