70 Best Sarcastic Quotes And Funny Sarcasm Sayings

Best Sarcastic Quotes And Funny Sarcasm Sayings – If you are looking for Sarcastic Quotes And Sarcastic Lines, you are at the right place. I have compiled a list of top 70 Witty And Sarcastic Quotes. All these Sarcastic Quotes And Sarcasm Sayings will make you smile.

Sarcastic Quotes And Funny Sarcasm Sayings

I appreciate thieves who do their research, but at least you recognize worth when you see it. – M.L. LeGette

Please cancel my subscriptions from all your bullshit issues. – JD  

If you wrote down every single thought you ever had you would get an award for the shortest story ever.

I’ll try being nicer if you try being smarter.    

Thank you for leaving my side when I was alone. I realized I can do so much without you. 

Sarcastic Quotes And Funny Sarcasm Sayings
Sarcastic Quotes And Funny Sarcasm Sayings

If I promise to miss you, will you go away?

I clapped because it’s finished, not because I like it.   

Sarcasm is the secret language that everyone uses when they want to say something mean to your face.   

I’m smiling… that alone should scare you.  

You look good when your eyes are closed, but you look the best when my eyes closed.

I feel so miserable without you, it’s almost like having you here.  

You have no one to blame but yourself… Unless some other guy is standing next to you then you can blame him. ~ Sarcastic Quotes And Funny Sarcasm Sayings

Best And Funny Sarcastic Quotes  

No, you don’t have to repeat yourself. I was ignoring you the first time.   

See this hand? It’s going to descend in an arc that will, in the process, have contact with your face. Just warning you. ~ Sarcastic Quotes And Funny Sarcasm Sayings

That is the ugliest top I’ve ever seen, yet it compliments your face perfectly.    

Dear Karma, I really hate you right now, you made your point. – Ottilie Weber

Witty Sarcastic Quotes

I became so religious so that I could pray for you to burn in hell.   

I’m not sarcastic. I’m just intelligent beyond your understanding.    

This is what happened in love. One of you cried a lot and then both of you grew sarcastic. – Lorrie Moore

Are you always so stupid or is today a special occasion?  

I’m sorry while you were talking I was trying to figure where the hell you got the idea I cared.    

Are you always this retarded or are you making a special effort today?    

When your children are teenagers, it’s important to have a dog so that someone in the house is happy to see you.  —Nora Ephron. ~ Sarcastic Quotes And Funny Sarcasm Sayings

I recently asked a student where his homework was. He replied, ‘It’s still in my pencil.’  —Larry Timmons. ~ Sarcastic Quotes And Funny Sarcasm Sayings

You’d be in good shape… if you run as much as your mouth.    

If you’ve never met the devil in the road of life, its because you’re both heading in the same direction.    

Witty And Sarcastic Quotes

Sarcastic Quotes And Funny Sarcasm Sayings
Sarcastic Quotes And Funny Sarcasm Sayings

Just keep talking; I’ll yawn when I’m interested.  

You sound better with your mouth closed.   

If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person on this planet.    

Ask me no questions, and I’ll tell you no fibs. – Oliver Goldsmith

My friends are so much cooler than yours. They’re invisible.   

If it looks like I give a damn, please tell me. I don’t want to give off the wrong impression.    

Mirrors can’t talk, lucky for you they can’t laugh either.

Best Sarcastic Quotes And Funny Sarcasm Sayings  

Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, first make sure that you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes. ~ Sarcastic Quotes And Funny Sarcasm Sayings

Clever is when one is crafty enough to mistake your imagination for intelligence. Smart is when one assumes they are too educated to notice the difference. – Kerry E. Wagner. ~ Sarcastic Quotes And Funny Sarcasm Sayings

I’d agree with you but then we’d both be wrong.   

If you find me offensive. Then I suggest you quit finding me.

Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

Think I am sarcastic? Watch me pretend to care!  

Sarcastic Phrases  

The more this guy talked, the more he sounded like a fortune cookie. – Kelly Creagh

I’d tell you to go to hell, but I work there and don’t want to see your ugly mug every day.    

I cannot speak well enough to be unintelligible. – Jane Austen

Filling out a credit card application, my friend came upon this question: ‘What is your source of income?’ She wrote:  —Michael Mcrae

Also, Read These Funny Quotes

If you are not yelling at your kids, you are not spending enough time with them.  —Reese Witherspoon

Ugliness can be fixed, stupidity is forever.   

Zombies eat brains. You’re safe.  

Let me ask you a question. What do you think is the greatest evil on this planet today? Is that including, or not including you? – Anthony Horowitz. ~ Sarcastic Quotes And Funny Sarcasm Sayings

Me pretending to listen should be enough for you.    

You look good when your eyes are closed, but you look the best when my eyes closed.    

Sarcastic Quotes Images

Sarcastic Quotes And Funny Sarcasm Sayings
Sarcastic Quotes And Funny Sarcasm Sayings

I don’t believe in plastic surgery. But in your case, go ahead.    

Short Witty Quotes

Tell me how I have upset you because I want to know how to do it again.    

I’m not crazy! The voices tell me I am entirely sane.

Mirrors can’t talk, lucky for you they can’t laugh either.

I don’t believe in plastic surgery. But in your case, go ahead.  

Some Pure Love Quotes Here

If you say ‘we’re in this together,’ I’m going to hurl. – Kelley Armstrong

People say that laughter is the best medicine… your face must be curing the world!    

You always do me a favor, when you shut up!    

Egotist, n. A person of low taste, more interested in himself than in me. – Ambrose Bierce

If karma doesn’t hit you, I gladly will.   

Keep rolling your eyes. Maybe you’ll find a brain back there.

Witty Quotes About Life

If had a dollar for every smart thing you say. I’ll be poor.

I thought I had seen the pinnacle of stupid… Then I met you.   

You did not just say that. I have a feeling we’re on the verge of hugging and coming up with cute nicknames for each other. – Richelle Mead. ~ Sarcastic Quotes And Funny Sarcasm Sayings

Well, my imaginary friend thinks you have serious mental problems.    

I don’t know about your true form, but the weight of your ego sure is pushing the crust of the earth toward the breaking point. – Jim Butcher. ~ Sarcastic Quotes And Funny Sarcasm Sayings

When people ask me stupid questions, it is my legal obligation to give a sarcastic remark.    

Thinking I’m a moron gives people something to feel smug about, Why should I disillusion them? – Madeleine L’Engle. 

Sarcastic Quotes And Funny Sarcasm

One day I’ll work out what it is you are saying, my lad, and then you’ll be in trouble. – Terry Pratchet

If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.      

Sometimes you lie in bed at night and you don’t have a single thing to worry about. That always worries me!  —Charlie Brown

 

 

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