Fear of Abandonment: Overcoming the Fear of Being Left Alone And Achieving Self-sufficiency Is Not So Simple.
Overcoming the fear of abandonment and achieving emotional self-reliance is not an easy task. However, it can be achieved as soon as we convince ourselves of how valuable we are.
How important, bright and vital we can become without relying on anyone. The moment we can give us the love we deserve, everything changes.
Some people have already had to face one of the most challenging experiences since their very young ages: abandonment.
However, we are not just talking about growing up with the absence of reference parents. Sometimes there is no pain more evident than that of emotional abandonment.
They are having parents present but eternally absent who at no time emotionally nurtured or formed the solid foundations of a safe and flattering attachment.
The early experience of abandonment leaves its mark. Just as that continuous impression of affective failures does were little by little, the person develops a sense of shame, helplessness and anguish.
The anguish of feeling of some chronic and continuous loss. Of that abandonment that somehow leaves in our mind messages or ideas like that we will never be loved, that loneliness is our only refuge and that no one is trustworthy.
Continued abandonment distorts reality and our thoughts. Now, there is one fact that needs to be understood.
Feeling afraid of being abandoned at some point by the people we love falls within the understandable (and more so if we have suffered it before).
The pathological thing is anxiety, which allows obsessive thoughts linked to the permanent idea that we will be abandoned repeatedly.
How To Overcome The Fear Of Abandonment?
Leaving these states is possible. Let’s see how.
Fear of abandonment, a primary fear
Fear of abandonment is like a prison. It’s an enclosed, suffocating space that boycotts all our relationships.
Now, far from torturing ourselves for experiencing this reality, understanding its fundamentals can help us manage these situations much better. Fealing of abandonment is a primary fear.
What does this mean? Basically that as a species, nothing is so essential to the human being and its development that we feel from a very young age that we have some reference people on which to rely.
Parents or figures that give us safe affection, a sense of security and trust. If this is already missing from birth and early childhood, our brain feels an abysmal void. That’s when we’re most vulnerable when it comes to developing certain mood disorders.
For example, the Journal of Youth and Adolescence published an interesting study conducted by the Arizona Department of State University Psychology, showing something that follows this same line.
Fear of abandonment could have been seen primarily in people who have experienced one of their parents’ death. It’s a primary fear, something we can’t quickly get rid of.
However, once we learn to face that original anguish, everything changes as soon as we heal that wound. In the end, we managed to get out of that prison inhabited only by needs, voids and open wounds to live with greater integrity.
Overcoming The Fear Of Abandonment
Experiencing one or more abandonments traumatic makes us think that we are not valuable. Low self-esteem is added to the fear that this will happen again; there is also anxiety and no longer knowing how to manage a new relationship.
In the end, we end up creating toxic dynamics where we need the other person in excess, where we lose authenticity in our quest to be loved, to be nurtured and validated in our deficiencies.
Love that is obsessively based on necessity lives on suffering. No one deserves to live in such a situation, and therefore, it is necessary to learn to do so: to overcome the fear of abandonment. So let’s look at some strategies to achieve this.
Emotional Self-Reliance To Overcome The Fear Of Abandonment
Accept that fear as it is: something normal. Something that is innate in the human being but that, in your case, was intensified by an experience. Fears are natural but what is not permissible is that they take control of our lives.
To overcome the fear of abandonment, we must be 100% responsible for ourselves. No one has to save us; our partners are not obliged to be accountable for our only emotional suppliers or us. The love that can heal us is self-love—unconditional love for ourselves.
We must change the internal dialogue. It is forbidden to underestimate ourselves; it is no longer permissible to make room for that anguish that brings us thoughts such as that we will be abandoned again.
We have to close the way to distrust in our partner, to think that they do not want us, that if he does this or that it is because he is no longer interested… A calm mind lives better, a relaxed approach to confidence, which traces stronger and more meaningful relationships.
We must work on emotional self-reliance. This is a slow path that requires knowing how to observe ourselves and identify needs.
Each of these voids must be healed by ourselves. It is a personal responsibility that we must not place on other people’s shoulders. It’s ours and ours alone.
To conclude by pointing out once again that this healing process is not an easy thing. The mark of abandonment, whether physical or emotional, often leaves a deep and persistent imprint. It is a long and tortuous path that we sometimes cannot carry out on our own.
Thus, perceiving that this fear of being constantly left is a recurring thing and the source of us not achieving strong and satisfactory relationships, let us never hesitate to ask for professional help.
We deserve to be self-sufficient; we deserve to free ourselves from the chains of fear.
If you feel that your fear of abandonment is making your life difficult and keeping you away from a stable relationships, don’t hesitate to get a professional help. You deserve to be ferless and self-sufficient.