Funny Quotes And Sayings 2020 ~
While laughter helps us to have some relaxed moments in life and reduces stress, we still don’t get a chance to laugh regularly.
These Funny Quotes And Sayings have that potential to bring a smile on your face and to make you laugh.
These Crazy Quotes & Hillarious Sayings will surely make your day a good one filled with smile and happiness.
Funny Quotes And Sayings
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak. – Alan Dundes
Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him. – Groucho Marx
Tomorrow is often the busiest day of the week. Spanish proverb
When a man opens a car door for his wife, it’s either a new car or a new wife. – Prince Philip
That’s why they call it the American Dream because you have to be asleep to believe it. George Carlin
As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can’t remember the other two. – Norman Wisdom. ~ Funny Quotes And Sayings
Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac? – George Carlin
Funny Sayings 2020
Politicians and diapers must be changed often, and for the same reason. – Mark Twain
Breaking up is like knocking over a Coke machine. You can’t do it in one push; you got to rock it back and forth a few times, and then it goes over. —Jerry (Jerry Seinfeld), Seinfeld. ~ Funny Quotes And Sayings
Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet to see who they really are. —Will Ferrel. ~ Funny Quotes And Sayings
Build a man a fire and he’ll be warm for an hour. Set a man on fire, and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life. -Terry Pratchett. ~ Funny Quotes And Sayings
I remixed a remix, it was back to normal. Mitch Hedberg
Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. After that who cares?… He’s a mile away and you’ve got his shoes! – Billy Connolly. ~ Funny Quotes And Sayings
Funny Quotes On Life
Knowledge is like underwear. It is useful to have it, but not necessary to show it off. Bill Murray
The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits. – Albert Einstein
Remember, if you’re headed in the wrong direction, Life considers U-turns to be legal, in all jurisdictions. -B.T. Henderson. ~ Funny Quotes And Sayings
Funny Quotes About Life And Friends
Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, first make sure you are not, in fact, just surrounded by a**holes. -William Gibson. ~ Funny Quotes And Sayings
I grew up with six brothers. That’s how I learned to dance: waiting for the bathroom. —Bob Hope
I don’t need you to remind me of my age. I have a bladder to do that for me. – Stephen Fry
I came from a real tough neighborhood. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn’t a professional, the knife had butter on it. Rodney Dangerfield.
Also, Read Some Best Quotes From The Fault In Our Stars
I have always wanted to be somebody, but I see now I should have been more specific. Lily Tomlin
I saw a study that said speaking in front of a crowd is considered the number one fear of the average person. Number two was death. This means to the average person, if you have to be at a funeral, you would rather be in the casket than doing the eulogy. —Jerry Seinfeld. ~ Funny Quotes And Sayings
Hillarious Sayings About Life
My mother always used to say: The older you get, the better you get, unless you’re a banana. —Rose (Betty White), The Golden Girls. ~ Funny Quotes And Sayings
I’d like to live like a poor man – only with lots of money. Pablo Picasso
Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive. Elbert Hubbard
My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do. Unknown
As I hurtled through space, one thought kept crossing my mind – every part of this rocket was supplied by the lowest bidder. – John Glenn. ~ Funny Quotes And Sayings
Funny Quotes With Pictures
When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car. – Will Rogers. ~ Funny Quotes And Sayings
I’m sick of following my dreams, man. I’m just going to ask where they’re going and hook up with ’em later. —Mitch Hedberg.
When your mother asks, ‘Do you want a piece of advice?’ it is a mere formality. It doesn’t matter if you answer yes or no. You’re going to get it anyway.—Erma Bombeck. ~ Funny Quotes And Sayings
Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity. – George Carlin
Sarcastic Quotes On Life
My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far I’ve finished two bags of M&Ms and a chocolate cake. I feel better already. —Dave Barry
Everything happens for a reason. But sometimes the reason is that you’re stupid and you make bad decisions. ~ Funny Quotes And Sayings
I look like a casual, laid-back guy, but it’s like a circus in my head. Steven Wright
Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you an automobile. Billy Sunday. ~ Funny Quotes And Sayings
My perfect beautiful miracle baby? Never slept. Ever. Never. Twelve years later the memories of those nights, of that sleep deprivation, still make me rock back and forth a little bit. Do you want to torture someone? Hand them an adorable baby they love who doesn’t sleep. —Shonda Rimes
I hope, the above Funny Quotes And Sayings could bring some smiles on your face. Bookmark this page to get another dose of laughter with more Humros Quotes And Sayings.